Seasons of change

Its been a long time since I've sat down and blogged. I think over a year now.

A friend of mine has been telling me I should get back into writing though. I think I'm going to follow her advice.

Since its been so long some quick updates on my life. I am working on quitting therapy. I'm down to 2x a month and next month we will be doing 1x a month and then closing out. I am married now. Something I thought would never happen but I met a wonderful man, fell in love, and I am starting over. My daughter is doing well. Can't believe she is four already! I graduate College in the spring. I'm working on my last four classes. One of which I will be finished with in a week leaving only three more. Can't wait to be done with this chapter in my life.

There have been a lot of changes in my life lately... Mostly good changes which is nice. There are a lot more to go though. This a season of change. A season of hope. Of Joy. Love. Peace. Prosperity. Will it be easy? Not a chance. Nothing ever is for me. With change comes sadness. Always has. Its just who I am. To accept new joys means to let go of the familiar and for me that usually means sorrow even if it is not something I want to hold on to. Its familiar and therefore comforting. But its time to move on and let go. Its time to fall and trust that the Lord is going to catch me. See what He has already done! I am MARRIED! I am QUITTING THERAPY! I am GRADUATING. A NEW LIFE and a NEW FUTURE await me!

So why do I feel so afraid? Why do I tremble at the thought that I don't know where God is taking me...I didn't expect to be here and yet here I am and look at the blessings he has given me.

So even trembling I will embrace change. I will strive to make the changes in my life that I still want to make. Changes for the better. Starting with putting Christ in the center. I recently lost my church family because of the changes I made in my life. They could not accept my decision to move in with my fiance' before marriage. We felt it was what was right. We gave ourselves security. My daughter a daddy. And love and comfort with each other. In our hearts we were already committed to marriage. Already engaged by the time we moved in. Just waiting to set a date. Practicality took over. It had to in order to survive and have the ability to even save for a wedding. And I am to be condemned for this by the people I held dearest? I know the teachings of the bible but in my mind it was not living in sin because I already held him to be my husband. I walked into my church a single mom-pregnant with my first child. Seven months pregnant. And they welcomed me and have loved us since. So why now when I find happiness do I find abandonment from these same people?

Anyways we are now searching for a new church. And by "searching" I mean we are skipping church every Sunday until things slow down and we find time to actually search. That has to stop. We will never find a new church by sitting on our butts. So the first change is a push for church. My daughter was saved two weeks ago. We read her the bible every night before bed. She asks questions and understands so much more than I thought she would. My husband was the one who had the saving talk with her. She asked about why Jesus had to sacrifice himself. Why he had to die. My husband explained everything and after a few minutes she asked Jesus to come into her own heart and live there and forgive her for her sins. Precious moments that I missed doing homework. So church is going to be a new priority in my life. Its time to come back and put Christ as center. Who cares if I graduate with a high GPA? My own priorities are changing. I want to be a part of these moments and if that means putting school on a back burner then so be it. Bringing our children to Christ by far outweighs a high GPA. So first a church.

Communication comes second. Me and my husband talk quite a bit. I don't consider our communication abilities to be poor in the least. However since we married I feel like we have drifted apart in some ways. We used to do things as a team. Now I am so focused on being "a good wife" and he is so focused on being "a good husband" that we are forgetting that a wife and a husband work together. So for starters we are going to work together to get the house in order. Laundry, cooking, doing dishes, picking up. All of it as a team. Side by side.

Lastly the goal is to...... wait for it..... lose weight. Yeah pathetic I know. But we want to have a baby and the doctor says while I may be perfectly able to now and might have no issues it would be better to try to lose some weight first. Part of me thinks this is ridiculous. Really? You want me to drop 30-40 lbs just to get pregnant and put it right back on?... But if it means a happy and healthier family then we will do it. My daughter just had her tonsils out for this same reason. Happier and healthier family. We will do this. We can do this.

I'll blog more as I get time or feel the need to. Its kind of cleansing to get all my thoughts out of my head again. Let me know if you have any tips or ideas on how best to make these three things happen. It truly is a season of change.